Breakthrough

This weekend was a breakthrough for me, yes I still controlled what I ate, yes I was highly aware of my surroundings, but for the first time in a long long time I felt free of the anxiety. I was myself, I had a giggle, a drink, I felt relaxed and happy. Happy is something that I had forgotten about, I can force a smile and laugh with the best of them but it was all a lie, not this weekend, this weekend I chatted with my best friend and her family, made friends whilst Stuart was playing cricket and spent less time in my head than normal. I know I am not 'better' that the road I am on is a long one, one with many twists and turns but this weekend has shown me that deep down inside I am still there, the person I was before the anxiety crept up and took over my life.

Progress:
I chatted with strangers without worrying about what they thought of me, I felt less self conscious than normal, I ate real food, I was happy - really happy, I smiled, I laughed. 

The above list may seem small to some people but for me it is just the breakthrough I needed to know that I should keep battling on. The anxiety and food issues aren't just going to disappear, the urges to control calories, up my exercise regime, the fear of disappointing people or what will happen if I say no haven't vanished but the fire in my belly has been reignited and I am ready to fight and fight hard to be the person I was before.