Apologies

I just wanted to apologise for not blogging for a while, I have so many ideas in my head but I have been feeling so overwhelmed with the anxiety and a return of my endometriosis pain that I have been unable to find the motivation to sit and blog. There are lots of questions running around in my head which I have no answers too and they are slowly sucking what little energy I do have away. In the past two weeks I have tried to reach out to friends I don't want to lose and have been given nothing back in return, I think I have slowly realised that there really is no way back for us, and whilst this is hurting me like crazy I think it is the only way for me to be able to move on.

I also haven't been sleeping too well again recently and have been taking afternoon naps to help me get through the day, if anyone has any ideas on what I could be doing to help myself I'd really appreciate any tips you can give me.

Building bridges

Elton John sang that sorry seemed to be the hardest word - I think he's wrong, I say sorry all the time, to my husband, my parents, my friends, my brothers, the children I teach, the list is endless. As recently as yesterday though I took what I hope will be the first step to rebuilding a relationship which I think faltered at the very beginning.

Not so long ago I met a girl, lets call her Solitaire, a girl I really wanted to be friends with. At first everything seemed to be fine, and then suddenly, dramatically things took a turn for the worse. I can't even remember what first happened for this drastic shift between us, all I know is that I fear it could ultimately be irreversible. What could have been a nice friendship between two people who, unbeknown to us at the time, were both about to embark on a pretty eventful year has became an exchange of tit for tat. Now whilst I cannot speak on behalf of Solitaire I can say that I have said things which I regret, I lashed out when I was hurting and as I have looked back I am ashamed of my behaviour,  I would like to think that she would feel the same, however I of course cannot be certain of this.

Making the first move has been tough for me, Solitaire has hurt me more than I ever thought anyone could - I fully accept that she may (probably) feel the same way about me, however I realise now it's not just me and her this feud is hurting. The people close to us both have unwillingly become involved, I find them censoring the things they say to me and that hurts.  Knowing where to start is the problem, how far back into the past do you go before you have to stop apologising and begin forging a new path together? I am hoping beyond all hope that Solitaire and I can start again, move forward together and maybe forge a friendship.

Solitaire - wherever you are, know that I truly am sorry.

What would you guys do? Where would you start?