Happiness is...

I feel as though this blog has been all doom and gloom recently so I am going to try and rectify that by posting the things in my life that make me uncontrollably happy.

These Guys:













They never fail to make me smile, they love a good cuddle and they fill my afternoons with giggles following their antics. This is them listening intently to my neighbour getting home in the hope that they would get a fuss from her!

Flowers:

Thanks to it being the end of the school year I have been generously gifted with lots of thank you flowers. The are currently making my house smell amazing and they never fail to make me smile whenever I look at them :)

Blue Skies:

I am sure that I was designed to live somewhere hot, as soon as the sun comes out I instantly feel more energetic and happier. Long live the blue skies we currently have.

This Guy:

The love of my life, my best friend and the person who is keeping me stitched together at the minute :)

Sunset Walks:

This picture was taken during a recent trip to Whitstable, I love nothing more than sitting on the pebbly beach, listening to the waves crashing, it is a perfect place to just lose yourself in the moment.

There are many many more things that are keeping my spirits up at the minute, including you guys for all the messages of support you have sent both on here at over at twitter.

Breakthrough

This weekend was a breakthrough for me, yes I still controlled what I ate, yes I was highly aware of my surroundings, but for the first time in a long long time I felt free of the anxiety. I was myself, I had a giggle, a drink, I felt relaxed and happy. Happy is something that I had forgotten about, I can force a smile and laugh with the best of them but it was all a lie, not this weekend, this weekend I chatted with my best friend and her family, made friends whilst Stuart was playing cricket and spent less time in my head than normal. I know I am not 'better' that the road I am on is a long one, one with many twists and turns but this weekend has shown me that deep down inside I am still there, the person I was before the anxiety crept up and took over my life.

Progress:
I chatted with strangers without worrying about what they thought of me, I felt less self conscious than normal, I ate real food, I was happy - really happy, I smiled, I laughed. 

The above list may seem small to some people but for me it is just the breakthrough I needed to know that I should keep battling on. The anxiety and food issues aren't just going to disappear, the urges to control calories, up my exercise regime, the fear of disappointing people or what will happen if I say no haven't vanished but the fire in my belly has been reignited and I am ready to fight and fight hard to be the person I was before.