Wordless Wednesday

Oven baked risotto

I love risotto, it is up there as one of my ultimate comfort foods, what I don't love though is the amount of stirring and time involved in making a risotto, until I stumbled across this recipe which is quite simply one of the easiest risotto dishes I have ever made and what's more the husband loves it too!!

Ingredients:
1 tbsp oil
1 onion, chopped
300g risotto rice
100ml white wine (or extra stock - I personally prefer drinking the wine rather than putting it in dishes!)
400g can chopped tomatoes
200g frozen peppers
500ml vegetable stock

Method:
Heat oven to 200C/fan 180C/Gas 6.
Heat the oil in an ovenproof pan
Fry the onion for a few minutes until soft
Turn up the heat, tip in the rice, stir, then fry for 1 minute
Pour in the wine/stock, stirring until absorbed
Pour in the tomatoes, peppers and 400ml of the stock
Cover and bake in the oven for 25 minutes until the rice is tender and creamy
Stir in the remaining stock

Serve!

This is obviously a vegetarian dish but i'm sure it would work well with chorizo, chicken or any meat you fancy.

Here we go again...

I decided this weekend that every Monday I was going to wipe the slate clean and start again, forget about the bad things from the week before, make a note of the good things, dust myself off and keep travelling along the road. The latter part of last week was undeniably tough and I spent the majority of the weekend having to reset myself ready to start again, but I did it and I have no intention of letting it knock my re-emergising confidence.

Last weeks good times:

3 days of no anxiety whatsoever, friends who are there no matter what, laughs with my parents, cuddles with Tetley, sunflowers, cleaning, seafront walks with my husband, singing Legally Blonde at the top of my voice, holiday planning.

Friday Letters #020

This week I've been on half term unfortunately the dreaded lurgy caught up with me and I have spent most of the week lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. Got lots planned for the weekend so I am hoping that I'll be better soon.

Dear Stuart - Thanks so much for coming home on Wednesday to look after me, it meant so much :) xxx

Dear Mom - Our conversations always make me smile. I love that we have a similar sense of humour and that we can pick each other when we aren't feeling great xxx

Dead Dad - I'm sorry for not warning you about Hurricane Mom! Hopefully there won't be another one for some time now!! xxx

Dear Eyes - You really have started to fail me this week, I'm blaming being poorly, but seriously mixing oven cleaner and polish up is a step too far!

Dear Skin - I get it i'm sick, that does not give you the right to be ridiculously dry and be drinking my moisturiser as quickly as you are. Does anyone have any go to products they can recommend to get my skin feeling/looking nice again?

Dear H - I tried I really did but it would appear that my reaching out to you wasn't enough. I'm sorry that our friendship has ended this way, over something so petty, but I can't keep putting my energy in when you are obviously not interested. 

Dear Stuart - Thank you for my flowers, they have kept a much needed smile on my face this week xxx

Dear Anxiety - I bet you thought you were winning didn't you? I bet you thought I wouldn't find the strength to beat you didn't you? Well this week has shown me that I can, I am now more determined that ever to defeat you.

Dear Followers - I need advice - I am after some new books to read, anything is good by me, thank you! Also to those of you that I have promised a letter I will get round to it I promise, time has just ran away with me a little bit recently x

Enjoy your weekend guys, and if you have any skincare or book recommendations please do leave them below xx

Red Velvet Pancakes

I adore pancakes, I mean who doesn't? This year Stuart and I didn't get to celebrate Shrove Tuesday as he was away and I didn't want to make pancakes just for myslef. This weekend, however, we decided to indulge ourselves and I made red velvet pancakes. These were really easy to make and I am assured by Stuart that they are delicious too :)

Ingredients:
1 cup plain flour
1 tspn baking powder
1/2 tspn salt
2 tbspn sugar
2 tbspn cocoa powder
1 egg
1 cup of milk
Knob of butter
Lots of red food colouring

Method:
Whisk all the pancake mixture together until you are left with a smooth mixture.
Add a generous amount of food colouring so the mixture turns red - I stupidly didn't have a lot of food colouring but they still turned out red so don't worry too much.
Leave the mixture to set for about 30 minutes in the fridge.
Cook the pancakes! I went for some that were Scotch pancake side and others that were larger and thinner - both were a hit!

Ours were served with Ice Cream but you go for whatever you fancied :)

3 days!

As Monday draws to a close I have sat back, had a little think about the last couple of days and then it hit me - I've had three whole days of no anxiety whatsoever. Days full of laughter, sunshine, talking and understanding. I know tomorrow could be horrible, that I might struggle to be motivated, that I might want to lie in my PJs all day watching rubbish TV, but this weekend has proven that I can and will get better. I wanted to put this on the blog so that the next time I am feeling down I can look back at this and remember just how good it felt to not feel tied down by anxiety.

The Weekend

Weekends have taken on an added importance to Stuart and I since he started working away during the week. We always try and make elaborate plans and yet never stick to them. This past weekend was absolutely perfect though, Stuart surprised me after work on Friday with some beautiful flowers:

Saturday, once I had finished work, we went for a lovely stroll around Canterbury, marvelling at the sunshine and the beautiful city we currently live in, discussing our plans for the future and just enjoying each other company. Sunday involved doing nothing at all, other than enjoying a yummy M&S meal deal for dinner and a rather nasty game of Monopoly! I absolutely abhor losing and Sunday was not my lucky day, I have a strategy for playing Monopoly which involves owning the train stations, utility companies and the more expensive property on the board. All of this was working in my favour except Stuart did not land on my property during the game, I mean not even by accident to try and help a wife out!! Eventually we gave up playing - read I got annoyed I was losing so quit - and instead decided to watch Nothing to Declare on Living which we have both really got into recently!

Stuarts winnings :(

During the game

Today I have started a new shoe box for Give and Make up - more information on the charity can be found here and here. Please do check it out as it is a fantastic charity to support.

http://www.giveandmakeup.com/

Friday Letters #019

After a week or so away from the blog, I am back and feeling ready to blog on my opinions and feelings again. I love this series of posts as it gives me something to look back on when things are going badly and I need a little bit of a lift.

Dear Stuart - Thank you, for the the support, the understanding, the pep talks, the love and most of all for always being there when I need a shoulder to cry on xxx

Dear Mom - You will never know just how much I appreciate our chats, you pick me up and set me back on the path time and time again xxx

Dear Sleep - You have been winning this war for far too long, so now with the help of some sleeping tablets I am hoping to finally have a few nights of undisturbed sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready for the day ahead.

Dear Twitter - At times I love you and at other times I completely and utterly despise you, yesterday just proved to me just how inhumane people can be at times. How about we all wait until we have the facts before jumping on the bandwagon?

Dear L - You pathetic attempts to upset me are childish and just expose you for the nasty person you really are.

Dear Tetley - You really are the best cat anyone could ever want, you are always there for a cuddle when I need one and you really are the best stress reliever I have ever come across xxx

Dear Self - Slow and steady wins the race, take the path one step at a time and eventually all of this will be a distant memory.

I hope you all have a brilliant weekend xx

Love is....

I just wanted to wish all of my followers and readers a very happy Valentines day. Stuart and I don't really go in for for Valentines day, preferring to surprise each other randomly throughout the year, rather than on the one day love is expected. I do however want to thank everyone for reading my blog, supporting and encouraging me, and for sending me amazing messages of support and understanding. I love each and everyone of you x

Masks

Monday afternoon I sat with a cup of tea watching the snow fall and marvelling at how it makes everything it touches so pretty and magical, I know underneath nothing has changed but in that moment the quiet, white blanket offered me hope. My current battle with anxiety is like the snow, I can't stop it from coming or control where and when I have the panic attacks, but, much like the snow, I can take comfort in knowing that underneath is the same carefree girl I was before.

At the minute I can get dressed up, do my hair, make up and plaster on a smile but underneath it all the anxiety remains, a silent reminder that although I look ok I'm actually not. The tablets I take every morning, the tears I cry for no reason. the complete helplessness I feel, the isolation I sometimes feel in a room full of people are constant, daily reminders that my body is out of sync.

For now I live day to day, planning weekend activities with my husband and rewarding myself on the days I feel I have accomplished something. My make up and smile are my mask, I can hide my true feelings behind them, only revealing them in public to a trusted few. Rather than battle with my anxiety I have decided to embrace it, learn my strengths, discover who my real friends are, take time each day to be grateful for all that I have and to be thankful for all the small moments I manage to overcome.
I know I am at the beginning of an incredibly long, winding road one with many twists and turns, but with determination and persistence I know I'll come out the other side.

A break

This week I've taken a bit of a from blogging, not because I've had nothing to talk about but because every time I started writing it turned into a rambling jumble of words. After taking some time out to think things through in my head I finally feel as though I am starting to take some strong, definite steps towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is no miracle cure but I am feeling happier and more content than I have for a while. Thank you for sticking with me during this journey.