Since I have revealed all about my ongoing battle with an eating disorder I have been inundated with messages thanking me for being so open and honest about what I am going through, these messages bring me a great source of comfort and support, in times of need I am able to look back at the messages and I am given a strength I never knew I had, however I have also had messages accusing me of attention seeking, this got me wondering - can you be too honest sometimes?
I tweet and blog for myself, to keep in touch with friends and to connect with other people who have similar interests to me. Sure recently my tweets have been a bit too blunt and to the point recently, but they have been documenting my struggle, a struggle that I have shared on twitter since the very beginning of this year. By contrast my facebook page is surprisingly eating disorder free, there have been a couple of links back to this blog but there are no status updates about my feelings, lack of food etc... Why do I find it so easy to share my inner most thoughts and feelings with strangers and not with friends?
I have a couple of theories to answer both questions, firstly for me on twitter and on here I am able to be 'myself'. I am able to let people into the darkest crevices of my mind because (and this is the most important part) I don't know who is reading it at any given time, for all I know none of my friends read this blog or follow me on twitter so I feel I can speak more freely. My facebook page is shared with those people I know socially and professionally, whilst I know none of these people would judge me based on a mental health illness it still worries me beyond belief. This is an ongoing problem for me, I find it far too easy to put a face on and pretend everything is ok instead of facing up to the problems and confronting them head on. Can you be too honest, in my opinion no. Sharing my story and struggle has enabled other people to realise they are not alone, I have had messages from family, friends and complete strangers telling me their own stories, stories which in many cases have gone untold for a number of years.
I have been backwards and forwards with myself about whether I should continue using this blog to voice my own thoughts and feelings or whether I should bow down to those people who think over sharing means I am obviously seeking attention. After much deliberation I have decided to keep on going, I started this blog for me and there is noway I am going to let strangers manipulate me enough to stop doing something that gives me pleasure and an outlet for all the messed up, jumbled up thoughts in my head.
Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and has sent me messages of support, there are no words to express my gratitude towards you all.
I find it a bit weird ehen people say things like sttention seeking about such things!! people should be able to blog about whatever they want eithout being judged, im quite like you re putting on a face with people I know, although have got a bit better at it in recent months as people have voiced they cant helo if they dont know whats going on. hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI'm aware that some people think this about me too - that I'm so public about the whole thing because I want attention. Believe me, if I want attention I'd like it to be for something positive. I think the people who say this 1) don't understand eating disorders and mental health - maybe they think it's something we can just snap out of and don't realise that it's an illness that we don't choose to have. And probably 2) they're jealous of you for having the strength to confront and be open about your demons, which few people do. No right-thinking person would see it as attention seeking and it's vital that you don't listen to these people, not only for your own wellbeing - it would be dreadful if you were to suffer in silence - but for the sake of all the others whose struggles you make a little easier by sharing your own. You've said it yourself: "Sharing my story and struggle has enabled other people to realise they are not alone, I have had messages from family, friends and complete strangers telling me their own stories, stories which in many cases have gone untold for a number of years."
ReplyDeleteYou KNOW how open I am about my battle and recovery from anorexia and I worry about what people think a lot too - I always think twice on FB despite how open I am on twitter. But at the end of the day you need to do what's best for YOU and what feels GOOD and helpful to YOU and if people judge you for it - then that's more of a reflection of their issues not yours. Keep being you. #KeepSwimming
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