Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Losing my stuffing....

For a long time it felt as though the light at the end of the tunnel had gone out, I felt like a failure and I was constantly worrying about everything and anything. Desperately I tried to cling onto some strand of reality as I felt it all slip through my fingers, outwardly I put on a brave face but inside I was drowning. For a while I felt like I was surviving, treading water just hard enough to keep my head above water, smiling just enough to convince people I was doing ok, until one day I wasn't surviving anymore. I had a huge panic attack in the middle of St Pancras station, I honesty felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was about to die and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, it was in this moment that I realised I had to see a doctor, that I couldn't continue just surviving, that I wanted to be the old Gemma again.

Unfortunately the realisation that I needed to see a doctor fell in the middle of the festive period so I had to wait until last week before I could get an appointment. I struggled through Christmas, putting on a brave face and trying as best I could to enjoy myself, I'm sure many people realised that things weren't right but I carried on regardless. The doctors appointment was a revelation, I couldn't have asked for a nicer more understanding doctor. She listened and agreed that I was right to have seen her, after filling in some questionnaires and explaining all my endless symptoms she gave me a prescription for some anti anxiety tablets which I am hoping will start to help soon, alongside the tablets I am also going to be attending counselling sessions to try and get to the bottom of why the anxiety attacks have started again so suddenly.

So that is where I am now, waiting for the tablets to kick in and desperately hoping that the light at the end of the tunnel comes back.


  1. From experience I've found that it can take a little while to see the effects from a new medication, but try to stick with it and hopefully things will start lookin up soon.

  2. I hope you feel better soon. A close friend had a very similar experience over Christmas. He was very reluctant to take medication at first, but the difference I've seen since he started taking it has been brilliant.

    Virtual hugs coming your way.

    Jen | sunny sweet pea xx

  3. Sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. Lots of hug and love, and hoping you feel better soon xx

  4. Well done on getting help - and keep clinging to that hope. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself.
    It is okay to feel like this, it is okay to get help and you can - and will - feel better. Just take it one step at a time and just be, if you need to.
    Sending lots of hugs.

  5. It's great to hear you sought help and have made some headway towards making things better than they are. Sounds like you have a great doctor. Ours round here are such a mixed bag. Hope the meds start to kick in and the counselling proves fruitful x

  6. Im glad you got the help you needed,its so reassuring to find doctors like that!I think you obviously have such amazing strength that you were able to somehow get through the festive period.As someone who has gone thro a very similar experience, I hope you find things that work for you and help you deal with your anxiety so that it's more managable.I found mindfulness made such a difference to my anxiety, I don't know if youve tried it.xxx