Monster

Somewhere deep inside me there a monster, she (for some reason it's a she and not a he, maybe because girls are bitchier) shouts at me that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not talented enough, not thin enough, not ill enough. Every day she is there, an invisible enemy that is draining me, I am fighting a battle that feels extreme and hard. I desperately battle to keep her voice at bay, listening to music helps as it keeps my mind from wandering off to find her, yet she is strong. She has been patiently waiting for me to slip back into get grasp again and now she is victorious.

A few short weeks ago I was doing well, I was blocking her out and winning my battle with food, then I got tired, my body feeling the strain of dancing 6 days a week and boom she was back. 

I am still fighting, I am determined not to let her win. For the first time in my life I don't want to be the best at something, after all the best anorexics end up dead.