Realisation

A year ago I was out of control, my anxiety was gathering momentum and my eating was non existent, no one asked me what was wrong because no one knew - I had become an expert at painting a face on and pretending everything was ok. A year later, with my anxiety under control thanks to medication, I am able to reflect. Sure my husband being away didn't help, but that wasn't it. I spent my days teaching, talking to parents and children and menial topics, but they aren't my friends/family so I could hardly open up to them. I arrived home to a cold, dark, empty house during the week, often late at night so I would go straight to bed. I had no one to talk too and no one to reassure me that I was doing ok. Stupidly I didn't even tell Stuart what I was feeling because I didn't want him worrying when he was away.

Now I know that I need to talk, to vent my worries, my anger and frustration, it's ok to feel alone but it's not ok to let the anxiety win. I'm not yet in a place where my GP feels she can reduce my tablets, so I am aware that the way I'm feeling right now might not be 'me', but I'm well on the way to winning the fight. A year ago I never believed I would feel like this, who knows where I may be this time next year.