Inspire

Last night, whilst lying in bed not sleeping, I started thinking about the reasons why I blog. Yes it will be nice in the future to look back and see how far I have come and how much I developed as a person, yes I enjoy being able to write down my thoughts and feelings without fear of judgement, but much more than that I want to inspire someone. I want someone to read my jumbled up thoughts and realise that they are not alone, to know that I understand how they are feeling, for them to know that it is ok to reach out and ask for help. 

For a long time I felt alone, I thought I was alone, that no-one else could possibly understand how I felt, I mean I didn't understand so there was no way I could explain to someone else. My brain was a bunch of contradictions which I could not begin to fathom out. Even now - a year down the line, with a body pumped full of anti anxiety tablets and weekly therapy sessions to help me figure out what is going on - I still don't know how to unravel the thoughts in my head. I have discovered that it is ok to be scared, that it is ok to ask for help, thanks to twitter I have a network of support that I never believed could exist. Complete strangers send me messages to make sure I am ok, they reassure me when I am in the middle of a bad day and they are there to congratulate me when things go well, I have no words to express my thanks and gratitude to them but I will be eternally grateful for those kind strangers who have rescued me from myself.

So dear reader, you may be reading this because you have followed my blog from the start (thanks!!) or you may have stumbled across this post at a time when you feel alone, I want to tell you that you aren't, there are people out there who want to help, who will help and who won't judge no matter what you have to tell them. Remember what you have overcome in the past, the obstacles you have conquered and know that I BELIEVE IN YOU. I am nowhere near recovered but I am so much further along than I was a year ago, yes it is hard, yes there are days when I don't want to get out of bed, when I don't want to fight anymore, but I know that one day I will get there, you will too. Believe in yourself.