No fear

The title of this blog post is a bit of a lie, at one point I had ALL the fear....

This week I attempted climbing, after a trip to Wales and discovering just how much I love scrambling (at one point I was compared to a mountain goat which pleased me!!) climbing seemed to be the next natural progression. I have big ambitions of spending next summer in the Alps climbing, practising yoga and seeing in my 30th birthday so I have to start somewhere.

In this case somewhere is Symonds Yat rock located in the beautiful Forest of Dean. I was full of confidence convinced I would be stood at the top with no problems at all, oh how wrong I was! After a quick lesson in different knots I was strapped into a harness and off I went. The confidence I had quickly drained away climbing is bloody hard!! My first couple of attempts were a disaster - I couldn't see suitable handholds, I had absolutely no confidence in my own body strength, my brain switched off and a horrible fear crept in and consumed my body. I absailed back to the ground tears in my eyes, beyond angry at myself. Once I had 2 feet on the ground I exploded, I was furious with myself for giving up. I cried, shouted, stamped my feet, kicked rocks and refused to listen to reason - I was getting up the rock if it killed me.

We agreed to one last attempt, hunger was setting in and my muscles were ridiculously fatigued. One last try to get to the top, being stubborn I was absolutely determined I was going to make it. I set off, my hands finding holds that my eyes couldn't see, my feet appeared to stick to the rock rather than slipping away underneath me. My body was with me, my brain not so much I had some ridiculous music riff stuck in my head but it seemed to work so hey ho! The top was in reach, elated I pulled myself up and admired the view, my heart was pounding, my arms ached, my legs had acquired more bruises but I had made it!

My overwhelming belief that I can do anything I put my mind to is stronger than ever. My heart and head are working together to keep me chasing adventure and I couldn't be more excited about what the future holds.

I'm back!!

I am back! After an extended leave from this blog I am now back and raring to get going again. This year has been all sorts of crazy - my marriage broke down, I finally feel like I am in a good place with my recovery, I met someone new and I am looking for a new place to call my home.

Where to start? I don't want to go into that much detail about my marriage breakdown but I am happy now which tells me the decision was correct. Seperating is never fun no matter what the circumstances, unfortunately I have learnt the hard way  which of my friends and family support me.

Recovery is great, really really incredible. Reaching this place has been real hard work, a combination of tears, relapsing, discovering a unknown strength but it is really worth it. Recovery has opened my eyes to how wonderful life can be when I am not consummed with fear about food.

This summer has been great, a trip to Wales opened my eyes to the joys of scrambling (there is a blog post coming soon all about Wales). I have spent quality time with my family, seen friends and read a vast number of books.