Emotions

I have been riding a tidal wave of emotions just recently, the last few months have been hard - really hard. My body has reacted violently and my brain has no idea what is going on. One minute I am happy go lucky and the next a text message has me bursting into tears. Overwhelming tiredness doesn't help, I am caught in a never ending circle of napping in the afternoon and then being unable to sleep at night. I have a constant feeling that I have failed, this relapse has hit me hard, probably because I honestly didn't see it coming. Yes I only had perhaps three weeks of eating 'normally' but since then I have restricted like crazy, my list of safe foods has got shorter and although I am fighting that disgusting voice that tells me I'm not good enough she has been getting louder just recently. Running is the only time that I feel completely free - immersed in working my body and taking great satisfaction in feeling tired and sweaty when I have finished, the only problem is I can't differentiate between what I am feeling and what 'She' is feeling.

I will not give up though. I will ride this emotional wave and I will come out stronger than ever before. I am not prepared to roll over and let 'her' storm though my life. Whilst I have breath in my body I will fight as hard as I can.